


Bonding

by IHaveNotTurnedGOOD (strangeradventuresofstarwars)



Category: Green Wing
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Mac & Guy Are Bewildered, Mac Macartney Deals With Idiocy, Typical Green Wing Insanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-06 22:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19071823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangeradventuresofstarwars/pseuds/IHaveNotTurnedGOOD
Summary: Sue White & Dr. Trodd attempt to set their differences aside for the sake of Mac & Guy.





	Bonding

I don’t own anything.

 

“Right. We have to do something.” Caroline Todd states as she strides into Sue White’s office.

The woman in question sitting with her legs on top of her desk.

“What?” Sue gives Dr. Trodd an annoyed look.

“Me and you. We hate each other.”

“Well, you’re right there. Smarter than you look.” Sue snorts.

“Well, we can’t keep hating each other. Despite the fact that you are an annoying, aggravating, insane, psychopathic lunatic...”

“And you’re an odd, neurotic, psychotic, irritating cunt.” Sue retorts as Caroline closes her eyes and squeezes her hands into fists.

“What? Thought we were playing an insult game.” Sue tilts her head to the side.

“As much as I want to insult you and more, we can’t. We can’t keep doing this.” Caroline states.

“And why’s that?”

“Because it’s fucking awkward, that’s why! Our boyfriends walk around on eggshells around us and no one barely speaks at lunchtimes anymore because they’re scared that one word is going to set us off and whilst they’re right...” Caroline growls.

“Guy is my friend and he loves you and I just want us to be able to have a conversation without us both wanting to rip each other’s throats out so the four of us can sit and talk like relatively normal people, I say relatively because let’s not kid ourselves, we’re all fucking insane here.” Caroline points out.

“Look, Dr. Trodd, I’ll fake being nice to you if I have to, if that’s what you want. Or is it what Mac wants?” Sue folds her arms.

“What do you mean?”

“Has Mac put you up to this?”

“No! Of course he hadn’t. No...” Caroline pauses at the sceptical look in Sue’s eyes.

“He may have said something.”

“Something?”

“Yes, something. Something as in, he doesn’t like that there’s discourse in the group and would rather us all start to get along, he managed it and apparently so should I and quite frankly I want to prove to him that I can just to shut the little shit up.” Caroline growls.

“So, do you want to prank him? Because, if so, Dr. Trodd then you’ve come to the right person.” Sue leans forward.

“That ginger headed cunt has had it coming a while now.”

“No, I do love Mac and I want him to still be alive at the end of the day.” Caroline retorts.

“Then what do you want to do? I don’t really have the time to be dealing with your shit.” Sue replies with a wave of her hand.

“This isn’t impossible to do.”

“I already want to fucking kill you. Impossible’s putting it a bit fucking lightly.” Sue glares at her.

Caroline groans.

This is going to be even harder than she thought.

Yet, if she wants to somehow forge an alliance with Sue then perhaps she should think like Sue.

“Alright.” Caroline rests her hands on her hips, staring at the Scottish woman, who reclines back in her office chair.

“Let’s do drugs!”

 

Walking out of surgery, Mac and Guy exchange a tired but still confused look.

Caroline hadn’t showed up for work today.

They’d had to scrub someone else in.

“I’m calling her.” Mac is already pulling out his phone.

“I’m gonna go and find Sue. Been a long one today.” Guy replies.

“Tell me about it... Hey. Where were you? Are you alright?” Mac pauses.

“Caroline? Caroline what is that. No, I’m here coming out of theatre. What are you talking about?”

Frowning at the seemingly odd conversation Mac is having with Caroline, Guy strolls towards his friend.

Gesturing for him to put it on speaker.

“I’m riding you harder than I’ve ever ridden you before!” Caroline is shouting through the phone.

“Bit hard to do when I’m not actually there.” Mac points out. 

“But you are here! I’m talking to you! I’m humping the fuck out of you on your fucking bike.” Caroline retorts.

“You’re talking to me on the phone. Are you by my bike?” Mac enquires.

“Of course I am! We’re about to have sex on it you bloody moron!”

“Caroline, are you alright?” Guy interjects then.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Caroline practically screeches.

“You’re on speaker.”

“You’re talking nonsense.” Caroline retorts.

“No, that’s you I’m afraid.” Mac responds.

“I’m not talking... Oi! Don’t take it away!” The men hear Caroline shout.

“I ran out yer mad wanker.” The familiar sound of Sue’s voice joins the conversation.

“Sue! What’s going on?” Guy exclaims at the sound of her voice.

“You know when Caro wanted to bond I didn’t think she meant a fucking four way, I mean if that’s what it takes...”

“Christ... Where are you? Are you by my bike?” Mac pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah, Caro’s humping it. Now, either get your shit together and join us or fuck off.” Sue mutters before hanging up.

“What the fuck just happened?” Guy looks to Mac.

“I have no fucking idea, but I do believe that our partners are in need of assistance.” Mac spins around to walk in the other direction.

“We’re not having a four way.” Guy states.

“Of course not, I just want to know why Sue thinks that we are and why Caroline is humping my bike. It’s like some kind of weird fever dream.” Mac remarks.

“What? Caroline humping your bike? Sounds more like one of your fantasies to me, mate.” Guy comments.

“Meh.” Mac shrugs.

“I know I have fantasies of my girlfriend on a motorcycle, I really think she could pull it off. I mean, I have a lot of fantasies about my girlfriend full stop.”

“Don’t need to know about that. Scarred me for life when I saw one of your unexpected fantasies.” Mac retorts.

“I thought we’d agreed to never speak of that night again.” Guy hisses.

“What night? The one where Sue White showed up to the hospital when you were on nights that week in the lowest cut dressing gown I have ever seen in my life and you creamed yourself in the operating theatre not even an hour later because we were so busy that you couldn’t even pop into a cupboard to relieve yourself with a quick wanking?”

“Mac Macartney...”

“And then, when you did manage to get a break decided that the best course of action would be to fuck Sue in the break room, the one which we all use and didn’t even notice me and Caroline coming in for our midnight yogurt?”

“MAC!” Guy shoves him to the side.

“You know, I still can’t believe that you had the audacity to have a go at me for staring at your girlfriend.” Mac comments.

“She’s my girlfriend! You shouldn’t have been looking at her like that!”

“It’s not like I wanted to fuck her!” Mac tries to reason with Guy.

“You were still looking! And then said and I quote to Caroline, feel free to buy yourself a dressing gown like that because i might be getting a semi at the thought of you wearing something like that!” Guy reminds him.

“Details.” Mac waves his hand before nudging Guy.

“Let’s go and make sure our girlfriends are still alive, hey?”

 

Despite hearing about it, nothing could really prepare Mac Macartney for the sight that is his girlfriend, Caroline Todd humping his motorcycle.

Not sure wether to be turned on or very worried, Mac quickly makes his way over to her.

“SHIT!” Guy yells suddenly at the sight of Sue walking across the roof of the hospital.

“What the fuck are you doing? Come down before you hurt yourself!” Guy calls up to her.

“GUY! Bout time you fucking showed your face...” Sue yells back before slipping off the roof and landing half in a bush and half on the concrete.

“FUCK!” She hisses.

“CUNT!” She snarls up at the roof.

Hissing and groaning as she gets to her feet.

“Sue, sweetheart. Don’t move, let me help you.” Guy moves quickly towards her.

“Out of my way, donkey boy.” She pushes past him.

“You just fell off a roof, sweetheart.” Guy reaches out to her but she just shakes her head at him, wincing at the unexpected ache in her head and in her side.

Rubbing at it, she’s barely fazed by the sticky sensation of blood on her fingers that comes from her head or the fact that when she breathes it feels like she’s being stabbed.

“Fuck your head.” Guy covers his mouth with his hands as Sue decides to climb on top of his car.

“Fuck.” The woman mutters as she tries to lift herself up onto the bonnet of his car.

“Sue...”

“I’M FUCKING SPENT, GUY!” Sue yells, getting herself into a somewhat comfortable position.

“I’M FUCKING SPENT” She lowers her head and prepares herself for a well deserved nap.

It’s been a wild time but she is utterly drained now.

“Don’t go to sleep.” 

“Fuck you, donkey brain!” Sue growls at him.

“Silence, I’m sleeping. Either get in or fuck off.” She mutters before closing her eyes.

“Shit.” Guy groans as he tries to coax her off the roof of his car.

“The roof of my car cannot be a comfortable place for you to...”

“Get in or fuck off. That’s your options, Minty Paws.” Sue taunts him playfully before groaning and lying back against the car.

“Why do I feel like I’ve been fucking stabbed in the fucking ribs?!” 

“Who knows, got any more left!” Caroline screams over to her.

“Anymore of what?!” Guy calls back as Mac mouths over to him.

“Drugs. I think they’re taken something, Caroline over hear is displaying all the signs of it and I bet Sue is too.” Mac calls.

“DRUGS! Where’s the stash. I gave it to you, that’s my fucking stash you know.” Caroline pauses mid hump, which gives Mac the chance to peel her off his motorcycle.

“I had it in my hand! It’s. It’s on the fucking roof, FUCK ME!”

“Bit knackered for that four way.” Caroline replies.

“We weren’t going to have a four way.” Mac states calmly.

“You wanted us to fucking bond!” Caroline hisses.

“Not like that! Or like this, fucking hell. Next time I’m just keeping my mouth shut. I think I preferred it when you two hated each other.” Mac sighs.

“It was definitely safer.” Guy agrees.

“Yeah but that was only safer for Sue, she wanted to murder me.”

“Not anymore, Trodd. You’ve earned a bit of my respect. Let me.” Sue screeches as she gets up in pain.

“Get back on the roof and get the stash back, carry on our major...”

“No.” Guy catches her before she can make a run for it before sharing a look with Mac.

“What the fuck happened?” Martin calls from the entrance to the hospital.

“Bonding!” Caroline yells.

“Seriously.” Mac groans.

“It was so much safer when you two wanted to murder each other.”

“Fuck off!” Caroline rolls her eyes.

“Ayee, now she’s getting it! You go girl.” Sue praises her.

“I’m sure they’ll go back to hating each other when they’ve sobered up.” Martin assures a perplexed Mac and Guy.

“Nah!” Both Caroline and Sue shout at the same time.

“Wow.” Mac says at the same time Guy whispers.

“Fuck.”

“Yes, oh yes.” Mac sighs.

“Join me again next week on let’s make no fucking sense where I will be waxing an owl.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was insane, I apologise for that. Thank you to anyone who reads this & please comment if possible & tell me all your thoughts.


End file.
